Friday, May 15, 2015
UNGRATEFUL MOM-FROM MAGGIE MAE
So these are the ways I help around the house, and then I will tell you the horriblest story you have ever heard. Horrible!!!!! You might want to get the puke pan its that bad.
1. Guard the house, ...I do an excellent job and have lots of photo's to prove it.
2. Jump on Mom's hurt knees every day when she comes home to make her muscles stronger. It is a proven fact if your dog jumps on area's of great pain, they will start to heal.
3. Start fights with Stella Rose just cos she looks at me cross-wise, this is also a proven fact it helps to keep her strong. She is kinda lazy.
4. Go wif my Dad to the little gas station to buy beer. I drive him home cos we can't afford any tickets because Dad spends all his monies on squirrel food.
So friends the list can go on and on but you get the general idea, I am the work horse of the household, the other two are just window dressing. So why in the name of all dogs did my mom do this to me......She tried to KILL me!!
You read right, KILL me!!! This is a true story and you may watch it one day on 48 hours. I am waiting on the producer to call any day with a monetary offer.
Okay, it all started on Sunday. Rainy, muddy, dreary day. Our mom could hardly walk but for some reason decided it would be the day that we NEEDED our flea treatment. Thankfully Dad was home to help her hold us, so she could put that crappy stuff on us. I look at this moment as Dad was an accomplice but we have already worked it out ---him and I ----he is taking me on more beer runs ....hehehehhe...unknown to our mother....and a little beef jerky thrown in on the side.
So we get the treatments, and Mom notices my hair where she put it on us is really sticking up a lot, like a little Mohawk where Gus and Stella's looks normal. She toles me later, after I had oxygen and the ambulance left ( I may have dreamed this part) that she thought there was more liquid in mine than theirs. I admit I did accuse of her drinking more liquid than just her water, but hers promised me she did NOT!!
SOOOOOO about 30 minutes later I start scratching and itching the spot between my shoulders where mom poisoned me. I itched and gagged....itched and gagged, itched and puked. Repeatedly. Mom got all worried and looked on the internet under---STOOPID MOTHER POISONS PUG and found out some pugs, THAT smarter more beautiful ones sometimes react to certain flea poisons.
Last month Mom used it on me, so she thought we were in the clear. WELL she forget I am Maggie Mae, who swelled up like a balloon after my shots last time.
Anyways after puking and gagging and itching Mom calls the Frankenvet....Remember it is Sunday. He answers unwillingly and she tells him what happened and he toles her to give me a baf in Dawn Dish Soap. Luckily that is what Mom uses so we had it on hand, and then if the puking did not stop to bring me in for a special SHOT that will cost her 200,000.00 cos it is Sunday and he will haf to drive 1/4 of a mile to the clinic.
So Mom gives me not one baf in Dawn but three good washes in Dawn until my fur is clean and shiny. Then I puked big time. Even Gussie was impressed. Mom grabbed Gussie and Stella Rose and gave them each a baf in Dawn just in case they started puking so we all ended up wet, and clean on Sunday.
I puked two more little times, and then Mom and I was exhausted. So the three of us, wet, pugs climbed up in Mom's wet lap and we laid there for a few hours. Mom was really enjoying the wet tshirt, and perfect wet dog smell. IT WAS MOTHERS DAY AFTER ALL.
It took me most of the afternoon to stop being restless and finally sleep but I did. I lived, but Mom is still on the bad list.
I toles her we did not need that crappy stuff, that we don't get fleas and ticks cos I am a good guard at Alcatraz.
So Moms and Dads everywhere let this be a lesson to you, if you have blog your dog will tell on you if you mess up and we live to tell the story.
Maggie Mae Simpson