"CATCH AND RELEASE PARENTING"

HELLO friends its Gussie Mac here today to tell you all about the parenting video that I am offering online at no additional cost to you.   Now I am sure you are wondering how I, Gussie Mac can offer a parent video to you, when I myself have never been a parent.

Well friends it is a long drawn out story, that ended in a random DNA test, ...........well use your imagination.......and as the famous Forrest Gump once said, "and that is all I am going to say about that".

So...........I have been working hard with Cotton my little girl to teach her how to be a well behaved girl.  My parenting skills are so superb that I decided to share it with millions and millions of peoples on the internet.  It is called the "catch and release parenting style"    First I catch her then I release her.

For example you must always provide stimulation and activities for a young growing mind.  Here in our hallway which has been turned into a kitten activity room, you will see many items for her entertainment. 

You will also notice some pink pipe cleaners if you look close enough to her toy box.  Often Cotton sneaks upstairs and drags down Moms wreath items, and plays with them.  Each day she adds a new item to her box.  I think she may be working on  her own special wreath. 

This is not allowed in my parenting manual so I will need to figure out an appropriate discipline technique to use wif her.  So far I have not come up wif one. (Mainly because I have not mastered the art of CATCHING)

Do you see the new scratches on moms floor......guess what did that.

 

Often Cotton likes to go out on the porch to play.  She has a big gray furry buddy that she likes to play wif and he is very good to her.  We thought he could be her Dad but the DNA results proved differently. And once again, "that is all we are going to say about that".

 

Dad feeds him everyday, he will not leave.  Dad does not see the correlation between feeding and leaving.

Mom has a small jungle on her porch, and she takes very good care of her plants. Some of them are very old and WERE once very beautiful.  Now that Cotton has arrived, they have become her personal playground.  AS you can see I am telling her in a firm and fatherly voice to get her a## out of the plants, so far using profanity is not working on her.  Maggie suggested slapping her once or twice, but I told Maggie that would bring Sheriff Dan to our house, and we don't want to go that route.  Plus it may take my upcoming video on parenting off the best sellers list.

I think she just said "nannynannybooboo" to me. 

Can you find her....she is like a ninja, blending in and hard to find.  Do you see my mean stare at her.....so far it is not working.  Do you think if I offer her candy she will come out of the plant before Mom sees all the damage?

This is Cottons cat tree.  This is just one more obstacle that I must overcome if I am ever going to perfect my "catch and release program"  so far there is no catching.  Just taunting.

 

"Do you see me now DAD.....Do you see me now DAD.."

I may need a step ladder to get her down in time for her bedtime.  Maggie is laughing in the background.  I have no parental support in this household. I am on my own.  Learning as I go.

 

I may pee my pants I am laughing so hard!!!

 

Everyday she slips outside into Alcatraz, which would be a safe place for her to play accept she is small enough she can get out of the fence and venture into unsafe territory.  I am wore out.

 

 

Because Cotton is smart like her Dad she has figured out her Dad has very poor eyesight.  Right now she is hiding under the pool and I am trying to figure out a way to CATCH her and bring her back into the house.   I am wore out.

 

 

At the end of the day she is back on the porch resting in Dads old chair, while I am still outside looking for her under the swimming pool.  After reviewing these pictures I realize I still have some work to do before releasing my "Catch and Release" Parenting Video.  First I must catch her.......and so the story begins.

 

Angus McConnell