Mom told us last night there needs to be a book that she could order on Amazon that gives her step by step details on how to be a good caregiver. She even wants "how-to pictures". She is that confused.
We told Mom that she is a very good care giver....just look at us, and how good we have turned out. Even meanolecat dietzman lived a wonderful long life but hers is not looking at it that way at all!
Here is a list of her recent blunders................
1. When she called her momma last night to see how she was feeling (cos last week was very hard on her after she had her infusion shot/chemo and of course Momma was in Iowa City and could not help with her MOMMA...guilt heavy on the shoulders.......) anyway her momma told her that yesterday she lost all her hair. ONLY ten days after Chemo!!! My grandma's hair has always been her shining beautiful glory....thick and long and red. I fink grandpa fell in love wif it before he actually did my grandma...lol.................anyway it is now all gone and here is the blunder...................MOM said, "it will grow back momma.". What mom really wanted to say was, " mom I am so thankful that you are still here with me, that we can always find hair but I can never find you.....I just want you to stay here and not leave me ever." Mom will have to tell her momma that when she goes sees her this weekend. Mom wishes she could find a doxie headscarf for grandma to wear.
2. Last night Mom threatened to put a pillow over Dad's face and send him to the moon. She toles us she was tired, it has been a long two weeks, and he didn't want to eat hospital food, so for the forth time of running for this person and that she ran and got him a sub sandwich. Yay, he is eating, boo he is such a baby about it. Mom said they need to have a heart to heart talk over the weekend, and maybe that well help. So possibly she blundered by babying him in the first place, but when you almost lose someone so fast, you tend to baby cos that is ALL you can do. I am sure there is a whole section in that book about how NOT to baby a man in the hospital.
We are gonna stop here cos hers at work, and her eyes are getting that red puffy look to them that makes her rather unattractive and it is only 8:15 in the morning.
We are taking good care of momma. Every night when she FINALLY comes home to only us and it is all quiet she sits down in the recliner and all of us scramble up in our places, and peacefully go to sleep....and of course Gussie kisses her 100 times. For awhile all is well in the world.
PS. Our dad is loving the cards he is getting. Fanks so much.
Stella Rose, Margaret Mae and Angus Mac
We are sending lots of prayers and good thoughts your way sweetie. There are probably 2 chapters in that book about dads
ReplyDeleteLily & Edward
It is no wonder your mom is feeling a little overwhelmed. She is coping with too much right now. Make sure she is taking time for herself!
ReplyDeleteI think your momma could probably WRITE that book. She does a grreat job! The secret is, no caregivers are pawfect ALL the time. Everybody makes blunders and says silly things. The TRICK most people can't get is how to keep going AFTER that and still make things better. Give your momma lots of snuggles and tell her to make sure to take some time now and then to do something for HER. Caregivers need care TOO, or they just burn out.
ReplyDeleteI have been in the medical field for 30 years and I personally feel that we drop the ball when it come to the care givers. We always tell you how the patient needs to be taken care of, but forget how truly hard it is on the caregivers. My heart breaks for you because I took care of my daddy and mama until they passed away having lost them both before I was 40 years old. On the 29th of September I lost my only brother. Hang in there, because I know God is walking this path with you. But, please, I cannot stress it enough, take care of yourself. It's ok to get frustrated, even angry. Try to take rest when you can, even if it's only 15 minutes. Wish I was closer in location, I would help you any way that I could. I will remember you in my prayers, my friend.
ReplyDeleteJanice, Snuggles, Sassy, and Dixie
Dearest Momma do not be so hard on yourselfs, you ARE amazing, so FULL of luffs and I is very glad to hear that my furfriends are showing you just how special you are! Hang on in there, yous doing an great job, lots of luffs and hugs to you
ReplyDeleteLoves and licky kisses
Princess Leah xxx
Tell mom to hang in there. My dad had a stroke back in 2012 and he was a mess at the hospital. My mom almost lost it. He didn't want the food, the medicine, nada. Bitched nonstop. Praying for you guys!! Xxoo
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to find the right words when your heart is as heavy as a rock and if you are full of fears....butt I'm sure your mommas mom knows what she meant... I send a lot of hugs to you and I'm sure your mom is the bestest caregiver ever...
ReplyDeleteDear Deb..Madi's mom here:
ReplyDeleteWhen my Daddy was sick and in rehab after very serious surgery he too refused to eat the nutritional FOOD at his facility. I was still working at the time and could not take 3 meals a day to him so we made a DEAL!! His facility was near my office. I told him if he would eat the breakfast and supper they provided. I would bring him anything he wanted every day at lunch. Thankfully he agreed and thankfully my boss was very understanding allowing me to make lunch time runs to where ever.
My mom was recovering from a serious illness at the same time in another rehab facility. Mom was very easy to please and thankfully enjoyed her facilities food.
This is a very challenging and stressful time...and as harsh it is might sound you need to set down some rules...otherwise you are going to make yourself sick and be of no use to Butch...and you are his ALLY and he might not realize it but HE NEEDS you!!
Lots of love and hugs cecilia
We think your Mama is probably the best Caregiver we have ever heard of!!! We are sending lots of POTP and snuggles her way!!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Dory, Jakey, Arty & Bilbo
We are sorry you dad has a really really bad ouchie! We are sending POTP fur him to get better real soon. Lassie and Benji the Shelties.
ReplyDeleteDeb, everything you do and say comes from deep in your heart, your family knows how much you love them, even if you don't think you always say it just right. Yes these things can be just as hard on the caregivers and you have more than your share of care to give.
ReplyDeletePlease take care of yourself too and yes it is probably good to have that little heart to heart with Butch. Sometimes the ones that are in pain tend to take it out on the ones they love cause they are there
love
Mr Bailey, Hazel & Mabel
Your mom is the best caregiver, she's dealing with so much and still holding everything together (though I'm sure she doesn't feel that way!). She's doing an amazing job with so many difficult things. We are still sending tons and tons of POTP and many prayers for her, Dad, and her momma.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to be a caregiver. Mom chuckled at the food info as she had a friend years ago that could NOT cook. She was a very talented, smart lady but all she could make was dry rubber chicken and box mac and cheese. Her husband was in the hospital briefly and when he got out he told everyone he didn't mind the hospital stay because the food was so good. He didn't understand why Mom tried SO hard not to laugh.
ReplyDeleteSending wishes for healing and laughter.
Abby Lab
Your mom doesn't need any old book. She is doing just fine!!! We wish we had some magic fairy dust so we could spread all good vibes around your whole family. Many hugs and players.
ReplyDeleteWoos - Ciara and Lightning
OK, if your mom is searching Amazon for the proper book she is looking for the wrong thing. First of all she is planning to make up to her mom so we won't mention that BUTT, (and it is best if all men hoomans turn their eyes away this very minute), there is NO dealing with a sick or injured man. Seriously!
ReplyDeleteNo matter what your mom does it will be the wrong thing. Men are the worst patients ever in the history of the world! So, we think your mom did not do anything wrong and maybe if she sort of suffocated your dad just a little bit it got his attention that they are in this together so he cannot use your mom as his scapegoat for his pain.
BUTT he will probably keep doing it cuz he is a man hooman and that is just how they are. So tell your mom to look in his eyes and tell him she loves him but there is a possibility she might murder him too. OK hooman mens, you can look again . . .
Your Pals,
Murphy & Stanley
We know your mom is pooped out, and you guys are being so good... way to go!
ReplyDeletePlease don't be too hard on yourself. You sure have a lot on your plate right now and more than most of us could deal with. We know how difficult it can be to see a loved one struggling in the hospital. We are sending you lots of love and hugs.
ReplyDeleteMillie, Walter & mom Cindy
I agree with all who have said not to be hard on yourself. You're operating under tons of pressure and worry. Both your husband and your mom know that you're doing your very best. And, I definitely agree never to baby men - even when they're just sick at home!
ReplyDeleteWe are sending you lots of love and potp.
If the book is what you need- we hope you find it, Anyway that helps you cope is good.
ReplyDeleteToo much is going on,,,,
Were still sending prayers,,,,
love
tweedles
Somehow a bad caretaker seems like an oxymoron. For someone pulled in lots of different directions, we think she's doin' a superhuman jog. We know you're doing your best keeping her sane. Gussie, you just keep those kisses coming.
ReplyDeleteHugs to your overwhelmed momma. She is doing the very best that she can♥
ReplyDeleteBeing a caretaker is a thank less dog, as is being a daughter. What your Mom needs is some good doggy loving. I know you can all handle that
ReplyDeleteTell your mom she needs to forgive herself. She's been through a lot of stress and humans say/do dumb things when they're tired. Jan is a master at wandering around with her foot in her mouth. Just keep hugging and kissing your mom when she collapses in her chair so she knows she's loved.
ReplyDelete{{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteI read about your mama and daddy on the POTP blog. I hope that your daddy is doing better and will fully recovered before you know it. I hope that your mama's mama will be OK too. Your poor mama must be feeling so overwhelmed right now.
You're all in my thoughts and prayers.
We are sending healing purrs to your Dad and comforting purrs to your Mom, it is hard to be a caretaker.
ReplyDelete