Sometimes I wake up late at night and think about you. I wonder if you have a blanket to keep you warm and a friend to snuggle with. I can't get back to sleep once I have your picture in my mind so I try to figure out a way that I can bring you to my house to live. Sometimes I contemplate just kicking that shitty door down and grabbing you up in my arms and running for the car. Instead I do nothing.
Then, another few weeks go by and I wake up again, and your face runs across my heart once again. I tell myself that one person can only do so much, and after all I have three pugs that I brought home from that terrible place. I am TRYING to make life better in the small ways that I can. Its not enough though is it Gilly cos you are still down there, in the ONLY place you have ever known. My heart is cracking all around the edges, ....I have no plans that will work.
UNTIL last week when your horrible keeper stopped by the office and I pretended to be nice cos I know it is the only way that I can help who I can. I pretend to not feel all those bad feelings about her that I do.
I took a deep breath and I said, " I want you to give me Gilly. I lay awake at night and worry about him, I want him to be able to feel grass and love. I want me to live at my house." I am shocked the words came out of my mouth cos our house is in turmoil and the last thing we need is a rescued stunted midget blind bulldog who is at least 100 years old. I look her in the face and tell her, "I have always wanted him, from the first time I saw him almost 4 years ago. I was afraid to ask you cos I know you like him also." I choked on those words..."she likes him" .....
The mill person told me I could have gotten him at anytime if I would have asked. ALL I had to do was to tell her. I was stunned, and images of sweet Gilly running around our yard with the pugs filled my head. Images of a divorce from Butch filled my head too...lol.....but I knew he would love Gilly also. My heart was racing and I was hugging and kissing that sweet face of yours in my mind.
BUT then she told me that Gilly had went to the rainbow bridge about a month ago. This winter had been hard on him in that horrible dark insane basement where he had always lived. I couldn't help myself but I started to cry, and the mill person was so surprised she told me she could always get me an old small bulldog from any of her horrible mill friend. They are not hard to find, they are USELESS. Then she left.
I am so sorry sweet boy, that I waited, that I doubted myself, that I didn't think I was strong enough to bring you home, that I didn't trust my heart.
I promise you that one day soon Gilly I will do something wonderful just for you...just for you.
Run free Sweetie.