Mr. Chewy Review-Dietzman A. Long

I am doing this review for my mom since....... for once she ordered something for me instead of those stinky pugs.  As you all know, I am Dietzman A. Long, I am not sure what the A stands for and even if I did I would not share it with any of you.  Angus says it stands for a bad HBO word that he cannot say, but I just ignore him. 

My job here at this facility is prison warden.  I daily patrol the prison yard while the inmates, Stella Rose, Margaret Mae and Angus McConnell are outside for their daily exercise.  I make sure they do not dig any holes for an easy escape and that they get along while running the perimeter of the fence.

Speaking of  the elephant in the room --THE fence, I am sure you have all heard the hub-bub over this new fence project.  Our father says it looks like a farmers pigs fence, and I explained to him, he is not far off because it is a farmers pug fence.  Him and I agree that it should just be a haven for prison guards to lounge around in, while the inmates stay within the porch.

I have been a wardon here at simpson-long for many years.  My first job was with Zeus, their little minpin.  He and I had a amiable arrangement.  He gave me treats, and I let him run the yard. 

I do not have the same relationship with these pugs.  They do not share and I do not like them.  It is that simple.

Back to my post.  I tend to ramble on sometimes .....So Mother talked to Mr. Andrew and ordered me these because I am 17 years of age.

That's right folks...Senior Vitamins Plus Glucosamine.  Do I like them, did I eat them, and does Mother give them to me each day.  You bet your sweet patootie!!!   I am very very particular about what I eat, so Mother was thrilled when I actually ate my first vitamin ever.

NaturVet Senior Vitamins PLUS Glucosamine are fortified with essential daily vitamins and minerals to help maintain overall health. Contains Glucosamine for added joint support.  AND made in the good old USA.

They are soft and chewy and I love them.  Mother must continue ordering them.

There are fifty in the bag, at $4.99 and Mother gives me two a day.  I am counting them on a regular basis to make sure the pugs do not distribute them to other cats I have found prowling around Alcatraz.

No one paid me off to say these things either.  Take my word for it.

Dietzman A. Long

Dear Mrs. Ellen

DEAR MRS. ELLEN:  (Liberty's Momma)
Furst let me say I am sending you these flowers from my Momma's garden.  I helped her pick them last night.

The Trucker Dude that lives next door, named Kevin is coming your way and he will be dropping them off for us.  PLEASE do not answer the door, just let him sit them on your steps and wait till he leaves before you open the door.  We have some concerns about him.

My Momma toles me I needed to write to you and say I is sorry, cos in my post the other day  I flirted with Puddles Rainwater, and evens talked about hers being my girl.  I is sorry cos my heart does belong to Liberty and hers is my first love so I just faught it was okay to flirt around wif Puddles....I is really sorry about that ....cos Liberty is always in my heart.  Isa will nevers forgets that she brought me my lunch on her little bike when isa was working wif the road crew boys.

My momma finks I is just fascinated with Puddles cos hers is a bit of a bad girl, whatever that means.

Here is a picture of the flower I am sending you, cos it so beautiful.

Anyway my "girls" sit me down and said I was turning into a CAD and I had better knock it off.  I looked CAD up in the Webster's Dictionary but  I must have misspelled it cos all I could find is a description of a "car that picks you up at your house, and takes you to the train station."

So what I am saying Liberty is do not worry.  I like Puddles in one way...you know the way that could send you to prison for following in her footsteps (well that is what my momma says to me)

 and I like you in another way.

Hugs from Iowa to Indiana.  (remembers what I said about not talking to Kevin)
Angus McConnell Long

 

A PRESENT IN THE MAIL

Presents came in the mail for us on Saturday, we were so excited to see what was in the box.  When we saw who it was from we got even more excited because it was from our friends Reilly and Denny the Cowspot Dogs at http://cowspotdog.blogspot.com/.

They are beautiful little shelties, and guess what ... my mom's sister Dixie has three of these little dogs herself.  Momma, Emma and Bo.  Momma was dumped one night at Aunt Dixie's house, and a few weeks later here came a litter of puppies.  Aunt Dixie took them to the vet, and he said Momma and the mystery Papa were purebred shelties, and of course of puppies were beautiful.  Aunt Dixie wanted to keep all of them, but knew she could not, so she found homes for three and kept two of them.  They have all grown into wonderful, happy little dogs.  Mom likes to take them special treats when she visits.

Anyway we won Reilly and Denny's contest and this is what theirs momma sent us.

It is all natural freeze dried food called SOJOS and a beautiful picture frame.

Mom mixed us up a package of the turkey and I, Stella Rose ate it right down with some of my dry food.  Maggie and Gussie smelled it and walked away.  Later Mom tried the Lamb and none of us would try it.  Mom was surprised cos she thought we would really like them.  Well, she told us this morning if no one wants to eat them, they will be sent over to the Dog Sanctuary where those little dogs ALWAYS appreciates what they get!

Later she took that beautiful frame up to her office and put baby pipers picture in it.  Geeze Momma you could have put us in it...

Thank you Reilly and Denny for the box of goodies.  We did like the snack sticks that you sent us!!

Stella Rose, Margaret Mae, and Angus McConnell

HAPPY HAPPY DAY PUDDLES RAINWATER

I toles my Momma NOT to put this picture on here my Sweet Puddles LONG oh cough cough I mean RAINWATER....but hers said that today is your special day and she faught this was funny.

I fink my momma is barking up the wrong tree (bahahahah) and I am putting some others pictures on here of you. Margaret and I worked all night searching through our archives so I hopes you enjoy them. 

P.S. Yes, Puddles sometimes Isa pretends you are one of my womens so Isa calls you Puddles Long.

Your Friend
Angus McConnell Rainwater (isa puts that there just in case LONG wouldn't work for yous)

This is when yous and Mr. Pip gave the Amish man a fright when he was a plowing.  Remembers that day?

This is when you crashed the car and made a big hole in Momma's bedroom wall, and you and Mr. Pip gots to stay longer then intended at ours house.

This was the shrine in ours living room that Maggie Mae builded you.  Mom made hers tear it down.

This is when you and my girls were watching tv together.

And this is what we put at the end of Mr. Pip's bucket tour the day you left our house onto another adventure.  Isa faught it said some important fings Puddles Rainwater and you might like to read it again.  I also hopes you are getting lots of rest cos it won't be long that we are gonna haf to put our super heros outfits on and take care of Evil Chrissy.

Hugs and Kisses
Angus McConnell -Margaret Mae and Stella Rose

PRETEND PUG

Hello Folks, this is Angus McConnell Long .  Most of you knows me, but maybe some of yous don't so I faught I would tell you the story of how I came to be.

Here I is when I was free months old and cames to live wif my momma and da.  I was so cute that Momma fell right in love wif me and so did my "girls" Stellie Rose and Maggie Mae.  I have found out through the year that  girls and womens just love me everywhere I go, like puppy school, the frankenvets office, and even the bank.  I faught maybe the bank girls would give me some monies but they only gives me  dum-dums that mom gives to Baby Piper instead.

My Momma loves little pugs evers since sweet Stella Rose stoled her heart, but I toles my momma on the day that hers brought me home that I was not a pug, but that I am a SCOTTISH TERRIOR just like my friends, Sully, Bites and Susie, Daisy, Sweet William, Edgar, oh the list goes on and on.  Momma said," no Gussie you are a Pug".   Then I ask her, "well momma, then why did you name me Angus McConnell Long".  And hers kinda glares at me, and says McConnell was her grandma's name and so forth.  Isa whispers under my breath that I don't believe hers one bit.

I fink if you look at my modeling pictures you will see the Scottish in me coming out.

This tartan wrap looks very Scottish on me.  I nose my ears aren't pointy like my Scottie friends but I fink I am just special genetically engineered.  Sooooo I just go on pretending that I is a true blue pug, but under the cloak of darkness I turn back into my true Scottish roots.  A Scottish Terror.

Angus McConnell Long

FRACTURED FRYDAY HAIRY TALES

FOR MURPHY AND STANLEY

BEFORE my brother Sammy J. Simpson went to live at the Bridge each and everyday he played tricks on me....sometimes they were funny tricks, and sometimes they were stinky brother tricks.  Just like human brothers and sisters, we fighted a little and loved each other a lot.  Then he left.

I try to always remember Sammy with a smile but sometimes my eyes get all wet and misty cos I miss him much.  I found out even if he is not right by my side anymore he still watches over me as my brother, in good ways and stinky ways.  Here is my story:

Not long after Sammy went to the bridge Mom went shopping at the magical store called Target.  Its a store filled with millions of items and Mom can spend hours in there.  That day she brought home this blue box called a footstool.  It was for our Dad to put his feet on, since Mom and I had stolen his recliner.  This box was pretty cool cos it also had a lid on it, that Mom stored my extra toys, and treats. 

One night a few weeks before Christmas, I woke up to the racket coming from the family room.  I knew it was not time for Santa to show up at ours house so I figured it was mean ole cat Dietzman trying to figure out how to knock down the Christmas tree yet, ONE MORE TIME.  I figured there would be no harm done, if I just went back to sleep.

The racket continued though so I thought I had better check it out before Mom and Dad woke up.  I followed the sound to Dad's foot stool, and there on top of it was a big red BOW.  I was startled, and wondered just who was playing this trick on us.  I sit there quietly and looked at the box for a long time, and then I heard a snicker, and a chuckle, and a laugh, I looked all around the room, and all I could see was the lights from our Christmas Tree.  I knew that snicker anywhere though, and called out Sammy J. Simpson, just what have you done!!!

I was afraid to get to close to it, cos there were weird sounds coming from inside, but I took a deep breathe and when I OPENED THE BOX I WAS STARTLED TO FIND.......THIS!!!!

Sitting way down in the bottom of the box among all the toys, wearing a Christmas Hat!  A PUG!!!!

 

I reached inside and brought her up out of the box.  She was a little bitty tiny puppy, and there was a little note inside that said, "I will always know what you need....Your Brudder  Sammy J. Simpson"

 

 

Mom and Dad came in to see what all the commotion was about and saw us standing together on the top of Dad's foot box.  What a wonderful Christmas.  Of course they never saw the days that Margaret Mae dragged me around by my leg and stoled all my toys, and tried to take the apples out of my food.  They were blind wif love.

A few more months came and went.  Margaret and I were still trying to work out a peaceful existence, and mostly it was Momma and I who spent our time together.  We still talked a lot about Sammy J. Simpson and Sweet Trudie, and even though we loved Margaret our lives felt unbalanced.

I talked to Sammy J. in my prayers and told him I was trying hard, and so was Mom but sometimes it would be so nice just to see him again.  I swear the night I said those words the stars were shining extra brightly and twinkling down just on me.

The next morning when I woke up Margaret was a barking and sniffing around Dad's foot box and I ran over to help her get her toys out of it.  But I OPENED THE BOX I WAS STARTLED TO FIND.......THIS!!!!

Do you SEE him standing on top of that toy, see how tiny he is.  Yes, it was Baby Gussie, otherwise known as Angus McConnell Long!!!   Sammy had come through for Mom and me and brought us a baby brother, that needed us just as much as we needed him!!

He was a extra tiny little boy, and I recognized him right away cos we shared the same momma at the crappy mill.   He ran over to me, and gave me a hug, and he ran over to Margaret and said, " I am here to terrorize you and play wif you!'  She loved him from that day on!!

Now our family is complete and Momma has another boy to watch over.  Thank you Brudder Sammer for knowing what our family needs.  I know you help Gussie all the time figure out the ways of life in our home.  I know you still watch over us each day.

Stella Rose Long



WAR OF THE FENCE

Mom says this is the real Alcatraz, ours looks better.

Dad does not think so.

I am sure you are sick of listening to the ongoing discussion from our house as to WHY we even NEEDED A #** fence and we promise this will be the last post about it.......

Mom says the new fence looks beautiful.....Dad says it is to big, Mom says it is just a little longer not wider....Dad says he could feed goats out there......Mom suggested he pitch a tent out there and live from now on.

We are wondering if we are gonna need therapy after listening to them last night.

Stella Rose, Margaret Mae and Angus McConnell

NOT WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

Margaret Mae here:

Not looking at the camera for my momma.

Fanks Folks for all your nice comments on our porch and flowers.  I do not know how momma got those blue bottles to grow, she is not sharing her secret, but I fink the bottle had something in them before she planted them, and a bunch of peoples stopped by and drank it up....well that is my theory...apparently for them to be planted and grow, humans must be loud, laugh a lot, and act a little stooped.

Also, last night my momma's youngest daughter, Kody's husband Cody (yes you are reading that right) stopped by while my DAD WAS AT WORK and redid Alcatraz to make it more secure and a little bigger.  It was hotter than **# outside (105 heat index) but after two hours they were all done.  Then mom stewed around all night about what our Dad would say.  See Dad hates change. He can tell when Mom moves his stuff a fraction of an inch, and always tells her about it, so imagine how he would feel about a different fence.  It doesn't even matter that it is better and safer, but it means CHANGE.  Mom was afraid he would fall over it in the dark so she fretted around. 

Finally he got home around 10 and asked who did the fence.  Mom took all the blame but he did not believe her.  He actually did not say much bad things, until around 2 in the morning, when he woke Mom up and said it is much BIGGER (its not all that much bigger) and how are we supposed to get the lawn mower through the little gate.  Ummmm....Mom had not thought of that, guess she will have to weed eat it.  Mom doesn't get all shook up about this stuff, she calls minor cos in her life she has had to deal with some major stuff.  That teaches you a life lesson.  Anyways we will take a picture of our new fence and post it soon.

Stay cool today, Margaret Mae

P.S. Stella Rose tried to bite Dad again when he got ready to put her to bed, I fink she was sick of his mouth....bahhahahahahha..... 

COME TAKE A WALK WITH US

 GOOD Morning Friends, today I am your tour guide and I would like you to come walk wif me in our yard.  You can call me Mr. Angus McConnell or Baby Gussie, whichever you like.  It often depends on my behavior at that moment as to what my Momma calls me.

Please don't look at that floor, we are still a work in progress at our house.  Momma finks next month we may be able to put down some new flooring.

First we are gonna stop and look at my Momma's favorite flowers, see them sitting on the dry sink that hers painted....you don't haf to water them or anything, sometimes Mom vacuums the pug hair off of them though.

These are zinna's.  Mom favorite kind of flower seed to plant.  Every Sunday she brings in new ones for us to see and it make our old kitchen pretty.  This years Momma ordered zinna seeds from amazon for a gazillion dollars, but they didn't even grow very well, INSTEAD the cheapo Walmart seeds is what grew.  She is sticking with Walmart from now on and spending that extra money on us.
Her momma gave her that blue splashware pitcher.  Mom is going to try to save all her seeds when she deadheads the zinna's this year.  Last year she did that, but she put them up so well, she can't find them....so she had to buy more...

This is our porch.  Mom and Dad and us are out here all the time when the weather permits.  Mom is getting ready to add a chaise lounge to it so we all can relax on her while she reads.

We have hanging plants on the porch and other plants sitting around on little tables.  It is a very old porch and the landlord never spends money to fix it up so we just do the best with what we have.

Mom spray painted this little table pink and put her caladiums on it.  See those little chickens Ms. Mary Ann, we put them there so we will always think of you.

We also spray painted this little table and put on of Mom's spider plants on it.  It looks pretty.  Lets head on outside now.

Little Tweedles Mom and Ms. Mary Ann sent momma zinna seeds and marigold seeds also.  We planted some of them in pots and put them on our front step.  They look very pretty.  They are in the hot sun though all day long so we have to water them a lot. 

This is half of our front yard.  We have a limestone wall that goes all around the front of our house.  Here are more zinna's and over in the corner is a blue bird bath full of little geodes for the birds to sit on.  See our marigolds Tweedles.

This is an old john deere trike that the grandmonsters had a long time ago.  Mom is using it as a planter now...lol...Dad got her that big ole teapot.

Do you remember when Grandma Teri went to Heaven back in January.  Well Momma and little Macey who is 6, planted seeds of impatiens in this barrel....without Macey knowing it, Momma also added some plants ...you know "just in case".  Macey is very proud of her memory barrel.

We are growing blue bottles in this flower bed.

Mom calls this the ugly part of her yard.

See these geese, Cammie and Maggie.  They don't even run away from us when we try to pee on them.

Mom needs to get these succulents planted this week.  We are under a heat advisory for today though so she will haf to wait until it cools off a bit. 105 heat index.  We are staying inside.

Part of Alcatraz.  Mom's son in law is coming over this week and they are working on the fence, and making it different and better. Sshhhh...it is a secret our dad does not know.  Look for a big plume of smoke tomorrow night, that will be him exploding when he finds out.

These plants are every farmers nightmare.  Morning Glories in all colors....Tweedles sent us some and we bought some also...Mom says she needs to go out and move some of the vines though cos they are all growing up two strings, not all the strings, she is afraid it will break.  We are hoping one morning we will come out on the porch and see all kinds of flowers for the hummingbirds.

Right now it is 8:20 in the morning of the heat wave BUT it is dark like nighttime because we are under a severe thunderstorm warning, it is starting to rain so we had better all get home.  Thank you for coming to our tour ...we hoped you enjoyed it.

Your friend
Angus McConnell Long